I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
