I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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