I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
