I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
