Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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