wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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