you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
