I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
