I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I understand Curling. That high.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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