FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize