It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i think im in europe. pls send help
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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