I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
