Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
