My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
