I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize