Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
