he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
