he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
