I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
