I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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