Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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