The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You can't special order awesome
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
