I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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