oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
