She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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