they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
