Please don't use social media to get back at me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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