"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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