i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
