All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
