If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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