it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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