guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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