the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
