just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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