What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
