Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
