He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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