I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
