Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
