dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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