I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
