just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
