So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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