It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
