I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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