it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
50% drunk capacity currently
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
