Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
