So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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