i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
