I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
