wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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