I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
