I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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