We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
