Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
