You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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