Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
