I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize