I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
50% drunk capacity currently
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
