I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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