as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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