we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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