see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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