I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
