he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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