I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
