shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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