in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
