Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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