I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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