And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He passed out mid-signature
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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