I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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