oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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