im drinking this country out of the recession.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize