who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
