I feel great
I just peed on a car
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
