Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
