Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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