oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
