eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
