This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The feeling are messing with the penis
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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