we have pet lesbian snakes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
bring money and cleavage
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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